Things better not said - our best

You know whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?
Having arms and legs.

What do you call a killer goat?
A mèeeeeeederer

What do you call two boobs that look exactly the same?
Identitties

How to be successful without any money?
Become a Harvard philosophy major.

at work yesterday
My boss told me to work the bread, then yelled at me.............. for loafing around.

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?
She fits in your wife’s clothes

what did helen keller name her dog?
AARGFHCNCJFND(rasburry)

Mary had a little sheep, and with that sheep, she did sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram. Mary had a little lamb.

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”
I said, “Wait! I can change.”

Yo mama so fat..
I ate her ass and had leftovers for a week.

what has 9 arms and sucks?
Deaf Leopard

Someone working in HR
Do you know what someone working in HR does after retiring ? Still nothing.

There’s some fish in a tank
One fish turns to another and asks, “how do you drive this thing?”