Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Why do some kids want to be a garbageman when they grow up?
Because they only work one day a week.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart beat fast, and changes your life forever.
We call those people cops around here.
I went to a boring haunted house last night.
Nothing really jumped out at me...
What is the difference between a subway sandwich and a whore
Both could be avoided if your wife did her damn job
Why do Indigenous people hate April?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers
What is the difference between ass and gluten?
Nobody eats gluten anymore
A man with a great dane and a man with a Chihuahua go to a bar, but it says “no pets allowed”
One man says to the other “how will we bring our dogs inside?”
The second man gives the first a pair of very dark sunglasses and says “do what I do.”
He goes inside and the manager says “Sorry, no pets allowed.”
The man says “You don’t understand. This is my guide dog.”
“A great dane? Really?” Says the manager.
“Yeah, they just got them into service. He’s great at protecting me, and his sense of smell allows me to easily find my way around the city”
The manager decides to let him in. The man with the Chihuahua was watching carefully, and goes “how hard can this be?”
So he puts on his sunglasses and goes to the bar. The manager sees him and says once again: “sorry sir, not pets allowed.”
You don’t understand, this is my guide dog.”
“A chihuahua?”
“A CHIHUAHUA?! THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!”
What disability do three letters of the alphabet have?
All three are def
I was at an Arab carvery one time and I ordered a slice of camel.
"Certainly, sir," said the attendant. "One hump or two?"
What’s the one thing you don’t want to hear after giving a blowjob to Tom Cruise?
“I’m not Tom Cruise”
(Not an original joke, heard it on Theo Von’s podcast)
Congratulations to Adele on releasing her new album...
9 and 10 pounds.
2 prostitutes standing on a corner.
2 prostitutes standing on the corner and one of them says "we gonna make a lot of money tonight i can smell the dick in the air"...and the second one replied "sorry i burped"