Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.
Three women, a black, a hispanic, and a Jew, walk up to the bar...
They pass it, have a great career, and are appointed to the Supreme Court.
The joke is that it took 233 years to happen.
I defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves ...
Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
My wife loves a hairy chest...
But I personally think she looks better without it.
Can we stop this crazy pitchfork pursuit on furries just for a few minutes?
Seriously, my pitchfork is all dull and dirty and I need some time to repair it.
Be a Pussy
In a world full of egomaniac big dicks, be a bigger pussy because that big dick will always look small compare to your bigger pussy.
My friend went broke, after going through a break up
Then he broke down.
I just got fired for making a typo. It’s unreal. Like IT’S A TYPO! It’s not a big deal.
Firstly, “ie” and “y” are often interchangeable. Secondly a neon sign saying “Comedy Here” is way less eye-catching. And thirdly, the client said it themselves, they’d never had so many people walk in their door.
Zookeeper
I lost my job as a zookeeper. There were signs everywhere that said, “Do not feed the animals,” so I didn’t.
What’s the worst thing that can happen on Friday?
You realize it’s Thursday.
What should you do if you see a casket falling uncontrollably out of a building?
Give it some codeine/ tylenol and then the coffin should stop
What do you get when you cross Tissue, Lotion and Incognito mode?
The perfect night at home!