Things better not said - our best

Your momma so dumb..
The brain eating amoeba she contracted starved to death

Never buy flowers from a monk...
Remember, only you can prevent florist friars.

Do you consider yourself a smart man?
In Ancient Greece, they believed that large penises were symbols of barbarism and idiocy, and small penises were symbols of intelligence and prowess. See, my wife thinks I’m a massive idiot, but I’m sure you’re a very smart man

Putin Joke
Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior. So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender: -Is Crimea ours? -Yes, it is. -And the Donbas? -Also ours. -And Kyiv? -We got that too. Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks: -Thanks, how much do I owe you? -5 euros.

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans

I asked my hyperactive dog who he sided with in Roe vs. Wade
He said "Roe! Row roe! Roe!"

A Ronald Reagan cold War joke
An American,Polish and Russian dog were sitting together. The American dog started talking : it is great living in America you can bark all day in the fields and at night you get a big beefy peice of meat. The polish dog asked : what is meat ? The Russian dog asked : what is bark?

hey guys what do you call a terrorist in a wheel chair
An RCXD

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river
All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are strong and manly- We shall march across these raging waters unafraid!" Barrett, Alito and Roberts countered- "God has given us this suitcase and paddles for a reason, it is clear He will guide us through these rocky waters." The disagreement persisted for a while, and eventually Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch got on the suitcase with the others, still trying to [persuade the others to do it their way. 15 minutes later, all 6 were found dead, drowned in the river. ​ What happened? They overturned the case during Row vs. Wade arguments.

Did you guys hear about the massive amount of Covid cases from the NYC NFT convention?
No taste has been the main symptom reported

The doctor told me I had 2 days to live...
So I killed him and the judge gave me 80 years

Why did you buy useless, half-finished garbage?
Sorry, that was a typo. I meant to say, why did you buy a modern video game?

where is the capital of the US?
In an offshore account.