Things better not said - our best

I like my sex life like how I like my video games
Single player

To the guy who invented 0...
Thanks for nothing.

A car dealership in Sweden began selling glasses as a secondary front.
They’re calling it “Eye-Kia”.

FDA released a 30 page report on findings in low fat milk research
Didn’t have the time to read the whole report so I decided to just skim it.

A gathering of friends is called a hangout...
A gathering of police is called a cop-out.

Why is Golf called golf?
Because fuck was already taken.

Not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...
Many begin with "If I am elected, I promise to..."

Why is love like fart?
Because if you force it it will be cr*p

How to pronounce Olivia in Ukrainian?
O-Lviv-ia

How do you kill a vegan vampire?
Drive a steak through their heart.

My girlfriend
came to me with a balloon that said, “Will you marry me?” So I popped the question..

What’s the difference between a dentist and a comedian?
One makes you go “ah”, the other makes you go “ha”.

YouTube keeps showing me videos of vice-presidents dancing.
Must be the Al Gore Rhythm…