Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...What do you do if you see a flock of seagulls?
You run. You run so far away.
I hit a minor for the first time today
I think I will like playing the guitar
Men are like chocolate bars
They’re sweet, smooth and head straight to your hips.
I put an old lawn mower out on the street, with a “FREE” sign next to it.
Somebody came and took the sign, but left the mower.
Guess I should have been more specific…
What does Leonardo DiCaprio call a 19 year old?
A long term relationship.
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat.
Hilton Headache
Paris Hilton and her sister Nicky were shopping in town when they became hungry. After buying a dozen donuts, they headed home. On the way there, Paris developed a terrible headache. By the time the girls arrived home, it was unbearable. Nicky got their mom, who quickly identified the solution. “Dear, you’re hungry, you need to gulp down those donuts.” “Wait”, her daughter replied, “you’re saying the solution to my headache is to consume a dozen donuts?” “That’s right, Paris, eat ‘em all.”
Counterfeiters
Two counterfeiters were working on making some fake bills starting with $100’s. One of the plates slipped without them noticing, and printed out a whole run of $18 bills.
Instead of wasting them, they decided to head south to see if they could pass them off, thinking that locals wouldn’t know a fake bill from a real one.
They stopped at a local convenience store to test the theory. As they approached the counter, they asked “Can you make change for an $18?”
The response came quick. “How do you want it, two $9s or three $6’s?”
Why will you never be able to understand a Citroën?
Because you don’t speak it’s Ber-lingo
Roses are Red, Cacti are Thorny
When I’m around you, you make me very… happy!
I guess what I’m trying to say is aloe you very much.