Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...What does the N on Nebraska University’s football helmets stand for?
Knowledge
I saw a one legged man with no arms at the ATM today...
He asked me to help him check his balance.... So I pushed the guy over.
Why was the movie theater sad on Valentine’s Day?
Because it got projected.
Putin and Lukashenko are riding in a car when it crashes. Who survives?
The world
Guy is in the men’s room
When suddenly a massive guy busts in the door and whips out his massive cock. He hits the stall doors with his cock and they shatter. He hits the sink with his cock and it shatters. He hits the urinals and they shatter.
He looks at the guy that’s been standing there watching the destruction and says, “I’m gonna shove this thing up your ass!”
Guy says, “oh thank god. I thought you were going to hit me with it.”
They should open a poutine store in honour of Kurt Cobain
They should call it “Smells Like Poutine Spirit”
What type of situation does Snoop Dogg find himself in when he runs out of Ritz?
Cracka-lackin’.
Painter
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
A friend of mine with long hair recently switched her poetry gig for music. I know her as Ellen....
But her fans know her as Rap-puns-elle.