Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...I’m (20f) dating this guy (47m) and he’s so great.
I’ve know him for years. He’s brushes my hair better than anyone ever. And he even is good at giving manicures and pedicures. I guess you could say he’s an expert groomer.
An old Italian woman
An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $150 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly tuns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $175 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she bends over, looks both beautiful women in the eye and farts......."Broccoli Rabe .49 cents a pound."
As a hispanic, my first tattoo was the word “Mucho”
It means a lot to me.
Halloween joke from my 10 year old daughter
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet.
I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver.
Turned a few heads.
Two Monkeys were in the process of getting into a bath, and one said to the other "ooo aa oo eee ooo ee oo"
And the other one said "put some fucking cold in then!"
I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.
I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.