Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...A wish to God
A man was riding along one day when the clouds parted and God spoke down to him, “ I will grant you one wish, since you have been such a good man”.
The man thinks for a moment and replies “Can you build a bridge from California all the way to Hawaii?”
God replied “That would take enormous engineering and would require way too much resources. Can you ask for something else?”
The man then asks “ Can you explain women to me?” God thinks about it and finally says
“Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four lanes?”
Harvard had reports of a black bear walking around the dorms
So of course they had to remove it and replace it with a white straight man.
I heard Taylor Swift wrote a song about her airplane miles controversy
It’s called 747
A man asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "S*x! S*x! S*x! Free s*x tonight!"
A man asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
The man said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Did you hear about the man who got hit by a milk truck?
He got creamed.
My friend Jack got busted performing sexual favors in his sports club’s locker room…
Now Jack’s off the team.
Justice is a dish best served cold...
...because if it was served warm then it would be justwater!
With the increasing price and size of Iphones……
If you want to be an iPhone user in 10 years, you’ll need to have deep pockets.
( first time here, I hope is not too bad)
Robin Hood goes into a bar
Right away an attractive woman chats him up, he asks "would you like to get out of here and go into the forest with me?" She winks and replies, "Sherwood!"
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still No Idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no penis?
Still No Fucking Idea.