Things better not said - our best

Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser?
He got the sack.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 1080p?
. . . HDMI

What happens to the mama asteroid when she gets pregnant ?
She gets a little meteor.

Sweet Revenge.
My Mum put broccoli on my dinner plate. I put deep heat on her dildo.

Knew somebody who used to live in a giant tire.
He got a puncture one day…….. # # # Now he lives in a flat.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

A duck had a $100 bet with his friend
A duck had a $100 bet with his friend that he could touch the tip of his beak with the end of his foot. Certain that ducks aren’t built to do this kind of thing his friend takes the bet. After several attempts, rolling around on the floor, flapping around and making a fool of himself, the duck fails miserably at the bet. He gives his friend a sideways glance and admits that he can’t pay up. His friend, understandably disappointed but unsurprised says “that’s ok, I just hope you didn’t injure yourself during process” What’s the moral of this story? Only take a bet with a friend if they can foot the bill.

My wife took off her shirt when we were in an argument.
It was a boobie trap!!

Old MacDonald had a farm....
Until the interest rates rose too much, then they found old MacDonald hanging from a tree.

Why do cows not own houses?
Because the farmers milk them dry and they can’t afford to pay the Mooooooortgage.

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda.
Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

What do dentists do on a rollercoaster?
They brace themselves.

Nobody caught the errors in the translation of when the character explained the plot
As no one inspects the Spanish exposition.