Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...clever dog
Bloke walks into a pub and sees a dog playing poker with 3 men. "He must be a clever dog" the bloke says, "not really" says the barman "whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail"
big and slow
I like my women like I like my updates, big and slow. better if they come overnight.
Me talking to a potential date. “I am 30 years old and have the body of a 18 year old” Potential date: “Oh yeah? Prove it”. Me,
“I would but I really don’t want to walk over to my freezer right now”.
I get an hour lunch
I live 35 minutes away. Theoretically that gives me just enough time to go home and shower before they realize I’m not coming back.
Why are Canadians still collecting pennies?
They have centimental value.
Did you hear about the church that got caught in a landslide that ended up destroying 15 Bible factories?
It was the start of a widespread religious movement.
Three pregnant women visited a hospital
Three pregnant women visited a hospital to check the gender of their babies. While chatting in the waiting room, one lady said she’s sure hers is a boy because she was on the bottom during sex. The second one went ahead to say that hers will be a girl because she was on top. The third one, a blonde remarked ‘‘can’t wait to see my puppies!’’
Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
I mean who eats monkeys?
My girlfriend asked me to get her tampons at the store…
I told her due to the supply shortage I may have to pull a few strings.
Not to say that giving my girlfriend free reign over the thermostat is a bad thing…
… but two hobbits just showed up to throw a ring in our bedroom.
There is a new line of cards for those who have lost a loved one in a mass shooting...
...brought to you by Hallmarksman.