Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...A local farmer just successfully grew a field of vibrators.
Unfortunately, now he has a problem with squatters.
Bought a 2012 Toyota Prius through the internet for $4000 today!
Hope it goes better than the last 10 year old I bought on the internet, she escaped and I went to prison for a long time.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie some bread
But when she bent over
Rover took over
And Mother Hubbard got bread instead
What happened to a politician when he became a monk?
He took a vow of silence.
In a nonpartisan society, would there be vending machines selling crack on the sidewalk right outside of elementary schools?
Of course! For starters, the happy hour would be before the first class, and covered by healthcare. We need to be a free society!
The U.S. banned trans-fats back in 2018 because they’re unhealthy
So then why the fuck did Biden choose one as our secretary of health?
I know the pilot for my flight to Charlotte had to be a woman
There’s just no way a man could find the CLT
What is written on a very successful hacker’s tombstone?
“R”
His IP is well hidden.
What is the difference between guns and women in the United States?
The former has more rights and attention than the latter.
My girlfriend was impressed that I could hold an erection for nearly 6 hours.
I was even more impressed that my neighbour could maintain an erection for that long, let alone let me hold it.
Painting a room
How many babies do you need to paint one room?
​
Only one, you just have to swing good.
A Texan rancher gets visited by his cousin from California.
After some friendly catching up the cousin asks him, „if there were any quiet spots in the area where one might be able to smoke a blunt in peace“. The rancher answers „sure, you can go over there, near the cow pasture is a nice bench you can sit on“
His cousin thanks him and the rancher goes to run some errands.
As he comes back he sees his neighbors standing around and as he comes closer he sees his cousin standing on the fence, screaming at the cows: „you’re all black! Black!!“
One of his neighbors asks the rancher: „what in tarnation is he doing? do you know this lunatic?“
The rancher answers: „ that’s my cousin. And he’s not a lunatic. It’s not his fault; it’s the pot calling the cattle black.“