Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...When I was buying a male deer for $1000, the salesman offered me a female deer for only $20 more.
I went ahead and bought it because it was a great bang for the buck.
The SEC cutting back staff
Context: This is a very serious situation in which Congress is questioning SEC staff about the 2007 crisis in which there is a stab at flippant humor.
A serious bespectacled congressman is asking questions about why the SEC cut back staff at such a crucial moment prior to the financial crisis when banks ought to have been more strictly regulated.
Interrogator in a serious tone: 146 people were cut from the Enforcement division of the SEC is that what you also testified to?
Chief accountant of SEC: Yes. Yeah I think there has been a systematic gutting - whatever you wanna call it, of the agency and it’s capability through cutting back of staff.
Interrogator in tones of disbelief: The SEC office of risk management was reduced to a staff, did you say, of one?
CA of SEC: Yeaahh… when that gentleman would go home at night he could turn the lights out.
Source: This is a joke that was told in a real situation during the documentary Inside Job. I don’t want to take credit for it so I’m leaving this at the bottom.
My wife asked, “Have you been cheating on me?”
And I answered, “Both yes and no, until it is observed.”
The recruiter was shocked to see the applicant was a spider. “Wait, what position are you applying for?”
“A web designer,” the spider replied
So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair..
But guess who came crawling back!!?!
Marathon Runner
Steve wanted to be a marathon runner.
Unfortunately he failed
Guess he is a running joke in the family now...
GF to her BF on call for 1st date........
GF: Please come clean shaved.
BF: OK!
ON DATE:
GF: hey, I told you to come clean shaved!!!
BF: OH! SHIT.