Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...O/C Everyone knows that a pirate’s favourite letter is Rrrr but what’s a privateer’s favourite letter?
The letter of mark that came from the King to the scummiest vessel he’d ever seeeeeeen
Why did the two melons have a formal wedding?
Because melons can’t aloupe
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked the professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There’s no time.”
Why is Santa always so jolly?
because he knows where all the naughty girls live
What is the similarity between women at bars and parking spaces?
If you turn up late and all the good ones are gone, when no one’s looking, slip it in the disabled one.
Why was Santa so hesitant about Rudolph flying his sleigh?
Because Rudy was lit.
A teacher asked...
A teacher asked Johnny, "What does a chicken give us?"
Johnny replied, "eggs."
"Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?"
"Wool."
"Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?"
"Homework."
A guy walks into a bar waving a pistol
He yells “I’ve got a 7 round magazine and one in the chamber, now I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife!”
A guy from the back of the room calls out “you’re gonna need more ammo!”