Things better not said - our best

Never take viagara and a laxative at the same time.
You won’t know if you’re coming or going.

I slept with a girl with a nut allergy
I came & she died.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland ?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs….
My phone ran out of space.

Have you guys scene the new john Wilkes booth movie?
I’ve heard it’s mind blowing.

What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.

After all this time, I still haven’t tested positive for Covid…
…wouldn’t it be funny if it was just because I wasn’t sticking the swab far enough into my ear?

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
A tire

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight,
I could hardly breathe.

It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality
to go insane.

What do you call two Christmas crackers having sex?
Bang Bang

A man went into a library
**A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.** **The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”**

What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.