Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...The executioner asked the king if he would find fulfilment in his work.
The king said he could see it in the offing.
Tampax recently announced they will be removing the string from their tampons and replacing it with tinsel.
This will be for the Christmas period only
What do women and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy inside them.
Why do girls like sex with osama bin laden?
Because sex with him is the bomb.
Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him?
He kept finding different hares in his bed.
A African-American, a Nazi, and a Jew walk into a room.
Oh look, its kanye west
The brave man
At the circus, the lion tamer strolls into the caged ring where there’s one huge lion.
The brave tamer says to the audience,
- “Watch this.”
He then walked up to the lion, opened its mouth and stuck his willy right in, then he slapped the lion on the head really hard and slowly removed his ‘boy bit’.
Well the audience was very impressed, much applause and shouts of delight.
- “Now then, if there’s anyone out in the audience thinks they can do that, I’ll give them $500, any takers?”
A little old man stood up and said,
- “Yes I’ll give it a go.”
The audience went wild.
- “Okay,” says the lion tamer, come into the cage with me. You’re very brave to give that a go, are you afraid?”
And the little old man said,
- “No not really, just as long as you don’t slap me as hard as you slapped that lion!”
I had to break up with my girlfriend with a lazy eye…
I had to break up with my girlfriend with a lazy eye…
She was seeing people on the other side
the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"
A dog walks into McDonald’s
The guy at the counter says sorry we don’t serve animals here. The dog leaves. 10 minutes later a man in a trench coat walks in with a tail sticking out. The McDonald’s cashier reaches down and grabs the tail. The tail begins squirting semen all over him. He realizes it was actually the man’s hairy penis.