Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...A Pole goes to an ophthalmologist
The doctor shows him
C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z
Can you read this?
He replies - Read? He’s my cousin
Why did the left-handed cat only travel south?
Because he’s a southpaw.
Why are Americans so bad at making yogurt?
Making yogurt requires a culture.
I’m already going 75 mph in a 35 zone, stop tailgating me!
Also the blinking lights on top of your car looks stupid
I’ve never experienced post-nut clarity.
Maybe I should switch from pecans to pistachios.
No man has ever made me so wet just from cuddling
Wow honey.Am I doing something other men don’t?
Yeah tiger. You pressed your fat ass against my bladder.
A food critic was stealing pie-making recipes
A food critic was stealing pie-making recipes in the guise of rating and reviewing pies from various bakeries.
​
She was Pie-rating.
How do you spot a jewish basketball player?
His legs are sticking out of a furnace
A blonde, a brunette and a red head are driving in a truck.
On one cold icy day a blonde, brunette and a red head decide to take a drive.
The brunette as the best driver in icy conditions decides to drive. The brunette decides to ride passenger because she keeps the best eye out. The blonde decides to ride in the bed of the truck because she’s dressed for the weather.
As they’re coming over a bridge they decide to roll their windows down and look at the water that has yet to ice completely over. Suddenly in a moment of distraction the brunette loses control and they drive off the bridge.
After a minute the brunette pops up out of the water and climbs up onto the bridge to look for her friends. As she’s climbing up the red head pops up out of the water and climbs to the top of the bridge. Thankfully since they rolled their windows down they escaped easily and were able to swim up.
They both wait patiently for what seems like way too long for someone to be able to breathe underwater and assume the worst of their blonde friend.
Finally, the blonde pops up gasping for breath. When she gets atop the bridge to join her friends they ask her what took so long.
The blonde says, “Well, I couldn’t get the tailgate open.”
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home...
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.