Things better not said - our best

If Scotch Tape is indispensable
How do you use it?

What are a trans parents pronouns
Who/where

Why do women use make-up and perfume?
Because they stink and are ugly.

Remember, Chemically Speaking
Bourbon *is* a solution

Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scraps the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."

Shark and clown fish
Why didn’t the shark swallow the clown fish? Because it tasted funny.

me: im so hungry
horse: *nervously* how hungry

What do you say when a boomer calls you?
Boomerang

You men are all the same
A woman approaches a man and says. "Excuse me Sir I’m doing a little survey, can I ask you questions?" The man says. "Yes of course" Woman: "If you’re travelling in a bus and a female gets on the bus and she’s got no available seat would you give up your seat for her?" Man - "No." Woman: "What if the lady that got on the bus was pregnant would you give up your seat then? Man: "No." Woman: "What if the lady got on the bus was a senior lady would you give your seat then?" Man: "No." Woman: "You are one selfish man you have no manners, you men are all the same ." Man: “ No Madam _*I am the bus driver"*_

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails
When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

An old man told me unpaid labour is the best kind of work there is.
But honestly, it makes no cents.

some guy just robbed me!
He took my punchline

A young lady falls in love with a wealthy man
They soon get married and they are living the life of luxury. Dream homes, exotic cars, and luxurious vacations. The girl is having a conversation with her father one day and she mentions that she is considering leaving her husband. The father asks why and the girl explains. “He will only do me in the butt. It was okay at first, my butthole was the size of a dime. Soon it was the size of a nickel, and now it is the size of a quarter. “ The father exclaims “You’re willing to throw this all away over 40 cents?”