Things better not said - our best

So I have an irrational fear of poop
You could say it really crappy situation

You’re American when you go into the bathroom
and you’re American when you come out of the bathroom. But what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European

Anti-Vaxxer parents are like Confederates
They are fighting tooth and nail for something that will barely last four years.

Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he did not see the well.

A middle school class went on a field trip to the construction site.
Suddenly, a worker falls to his death from the roof of an unfinished building. Because of this, the school decided to hold an accident prevention class. The teacher asks: "Children, how do you think, why did that man fall?" "He was standing too close to the edge of the roof!" - said Lily. "He was drunk!" - said Billy. "Both of you are wrong," said Johnny, "he fell because he was badmouthing my mother! I heard him yell, "Hey, you son of a bitch! Stop shaking the ladder!""

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man?
None.

Did you see the toilet Picasso designed?
It was a masterpiss.

What do you call a blind alligator?
John

How old is Odin when he dies?
Hela old.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

A cruel and spiteful restauranteur whose restaurants only served Pepsi products, died suddenly, and was shocked to find himself in heaven
As he approached the pearly gates, St Peter cheerily asked, “Would hell be OK instead?”

Dog: What does a cat say when it walks into a bar?
Car: Me? Ow.

Of all the vegetables I slaughter for food...
... I seem to pity onions the most.