Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Did you hear about the celebrity who got stabbed her name is Reece something
Witherspoon?
No with a knife
Smartest president ever
A plane with 4 people on board suffers an engine failure. There are only three parachutes. The pilot stands up and says: „I’m Brad Pitt, my kids needs me, my fans needs me, I have to survive.“ he takes one of the parachutes and jumps out of the plane. The first passenger stands up and says: „I’m Donald Trump, I was the smartest president the US ever had and I’ll become the next president. My country needs me.“ He takes the second parachute and jumps out of the plane too. The two remaining passengers are a young boy and an old man. The old man turns to the boy and says: „I’ve lived my life, it was a good one. Take the last parachute and get out of here.“ The boy starts smiling and says: „Don’t worry, we both will survive. The smartest president ever just jumps out with my school bag.“
Why do basketball players struggle to get women pregnant?
Because they dribble so much before they shoot.
Why was Sideshow Bob so jealous of Moe?
He always wanted to be a bartender.
What is Alexa and Siri doing when they respond still checking after you ask a question?
Asking Chuck Norris for the answer
Why can’t you move after getting kicked in the nuts?
Because you are nuts backwards.
Sausage Factory
A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory.
- See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side.
- Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donkey?
- Yes. Your mother.
What did the gardener say to his roommate who always moves his tools around?
“Don’t touch machete”
why did SpongeBob write a song about a school shooting?
He wanted a sandy hook