The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

There was a circle/sphere turning into a square....

It was going through Cuberty.

What did horny Caesar told Roman Senate?

I came; I saw; I came.

Why does an Irish chili have only 239 beans in it?

Because one more would make it *too farty*.

On a scale of zero to infinity, how can you tell a joke in this sub is original?

It’ll be the zero.

What do you call a meditating wolf?

Aware wolf.

Why did the enterprise version of Norton Security Firewall flop?

Because it was NSFW.

Yo mama so ugly

When she sits on her phone, it unlocks.

Why did eve eat the apple?

Because she was sick of all the mansplaning.

where do midgets get their education?

A Miniscule

Name 4 times when crying babies weren’t the worst problem on an airplane.

9/11

When my son told me to stop impersonating a flamingo..

.. I had to put my foot down.

A great adventurer is carrying a bucket of citrus fruit with him in case he gets hungry.

He enters a cave and sees an ancient scroll in the distance. He approaches it, but he trips and falls, dropping his citrus fruit. He doesn’t care and he reads the scroll anyways. He hears a voice coming from the corner of the cave saying “wow! I’ve spent days trying to figure out what that scroll says! How did you manage to read it?” The adventure replies, “Easy! I read between the limes!”

A man finally got a chance to fulfill his dream of going skydiving

During the instructional section he was repeatedly told, “when you jump, count to 10 and then pull the chute, ok.” He nodded confidently. The plane gets to altitude and the instructor shouts, “OK, DON’T FORGET, COUNT TO TEN THEN PULL THE CHUTE!!” The man gives a thumbs up and the instructor tells him to jump. The man jumps and the instructor follows shortly after, keeping his attention on the man, when he notices that he hasn’t pulled his chute after 10 seconds. To his horror, he then witnessed the man plummet straight to the ground. “What happened?!?!” he thought. When he gets to the ground, some of his colleagues meet up with him and are in shock at what happened. Perhaps his chute was faulty? “No, it wasn’t faulty, as per our standard, I checked it 3 times to make sure everything was ok,” said the instructor. The skydiving school staff head over to the body, lift up his head, and to their surprise they heard him talk, “s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s seven!!”