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A dirty joke from the 1400s...
In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini:
how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?
Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.
Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise
it circles Uranus looking for Klingons.
I had a weird day today
First I found a can full of cash on the street, and then a man with a guitar started chasing me
I went golfing and was asked why my bag had an extra pair of socks
I told them "incase I get a hole in one!"
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife lose interest in having...
Sex. The doctor gives him a flask and warned: "Put only 5 drops in her drink, but no more than 5 understand? Its very strong". In the night, before the wife come home from work, the man make dinner and a couple drinks. He put the 5 drops on her glass but then he thinks: "Was too long since the last time I have sex with her... I will put another 5"... "maybe this doesnt work... 5 more just in case"... "Fuck it, I will not spend another night jerking... 5 more!".... "ups, I already put 20 drops... the doctor said just 5... maybe I will not be able to keep up with her... I will put 10 on mine too". Wife arrives, they take dinner and drink. After 30 minutes the wife rns out of the room tearing her clothes in desperation and screaming:" I want a Man... I want A MAAAN". Right behind her came the husband: "SO DO I".
The only kind of people I truly hate our from Switzerland, I met 2 of them and they were both mean
Makes me wonder what the other one is like
A man enters his home...
He was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every single lamp in the house.
The money jar
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money; he asks the bartender what it’s for, and he replies, “There’s a cow in the back. If you can make her laugh, the jar is yours,” so the man goes out back and comes out a moment later and grabs the jar, The bartender goes to the back and sees the cow laughing. The next night, the process repeats, The man sees another jar of money and asks the bartender what it’s for. This time, he replies, “If you can make the same cow cry, the jar is yours.” So the man goes out back and comes out a moment later and reaches out to grab the jar. But the bartender stopped him and said, “hold on,” He went out back and found the cow bawling her eyes out. The bartender then asks, “How’d you get the cow to laugh one night and cry?” Finally, the man replies, “The first night, I told her I got a super long ding dong, and the next night, I showed her!”
You know how we got Tom from Thomas and Bill from Billy well how do you get dick from Richard?
You ask nicely