The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Right when you think they’re different…
She’s reposting some Kardashian photo and he’s listening to a Rogan podcast
Did you hear the alcoholic animal doctor and the soldier who stepped on a landmine are forming a band?
The legless vets
Husband:”we should have sex more often!”
Wife:”But we have sex almost every day!” Husband: “Almost every day??? How’s that???” Wife: “ Well, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday….”
Yesterday, 2 people attack my friend and tried to dislocate his toe
It was joint effort
My girlfriend’s dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up.
But it made her even more upset. She screamed at me saying, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
In soccer, if you engage in unsportsmanlike behavior you can get a yellow card.
If you commit a serious foul you can get a red card. If you never learn to play soccer in the first place and instead take up baseball you can get a green card.
I just made my girlfriend a coffee using sperm instead of milk
I call it an ejaculatte.
Was in Hawaii once
Asked a native how do you pronounce it Hawaii or Havaii? He said Havaii, I said thank you he said your velcome.
The Holy Bible tells us to love one another.
The Kama Sutra, however, is a little more specific.