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How do you find an IP address?

Just follow Ip Man home.

Son: Dad I got my hands on these new shoes

Dad: How many times I have told you, they go on your feet!!

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex

He is a small arms dealer

Why do Husbands die before their Wives?

Because they want to.

what do you call an orange that was brutally murdered?

Goreegon

Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost. My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

What do you call a place where divers of all races live?

Diversity

My Dad told me that he was a horny teenager 18 years ago

My mom wished me Happy 18th birthday

I tried to take up Motorsport, but had to prove my car could run on meat juices

It was for a Stock Car race.

I asked my boss for a raise.

He picked me up. I sued the company and won a sexual harassment lawsuit. It was a one time bonus.

What do you call it when you have rainbow colored diarrhea in an airplane bathroom?

Flying with passed colors

Bruce Willis...

Bruce Forgettis

Math

I refer to my ex as the human math book… because she has so many fucking problems.

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