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Whenever John’s daughter was sad, he found out to cheer her up he’d put out some paper and crayons.
After about fifteen minutes, his daughter would be all right again. But lately, she has been very clingy. So leaving the paper and crayons on the table didn’t work when she wasn’t happy. “Tell you what,” John said, “If I’m gonna be carrying you now more often, I will give you a shoulder to crayon.”
What is the Jewish version of Rock out with your cock out?
Schvitz out with your bits out.
My landlord wants to talk to me about why my heating bill is so high.
I told him my door is always open.
What do you get when you cross Matthew McConaughey and Mitch McConnell?
Alt-Right, Alt-Right, Alt-Right
When Trump was President..
c1: good news Comrade, we snatched this one from the Whitehouse. c2: who are you? speak up or we torture! barber: I design his Toupees. c1 and c2 look puzzled. barber says slowly: HAIR CARE c2: do you wanna come work for us?
The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk...
​ The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.” The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?” The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. “You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?” The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.