Things better not said - our best

A man annoyed from his long nails
"This is getting out of hand" he said while going to clip them.

A teacher to her students,
"Lets talk about associate, or association. It means things that go together. You can associate plants with soil, and birds with trees. Now, can anyone tell me what we can associate with fish? Yes, Tommy?" Tommy: "Chips!" ​ Source: Adapated from a joke in a 1913 newspaper

Did you hear about the bottom who was hit by a train?
He died doing what he loved; getting railed

What type of bees make milk?
Boobees

Naked man on a golf course
A foresome of ladies came across a man naked, asleep in the bushes on their course. His hat was sheild in his face. “Not my husband!” says the first lady. The second and third repeat this “not my husband” refrain. The final lady approaches the man. She “hmms” and “haws” … then says “Not my husband, but worse yet, he’s not even a member of our club”

Knock knock
Who’s there ?? Kanye Who???? Kanye!!! Oh… it’s nobody irrelevant!

What do Germans use for birth control?
Their sense of humor

What was Jeffrey Dahmers favourite candy?
Mentos

Albert Einstein, Erwin Schroedinger, and Richard Feynman walk into a bar.
Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”. Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”. Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”

Why do you call a pregnant lady “knocked up”?
Because someone came in

vvvWhy did the chicken cross the road?
vvvv To get too the other side

What do you call a skeletons nose?
Nobody knows!

My wife got her butt smacked at work.
What did she expect when she decided to work from home? (Last post deleted did not realize that gropped and gripped were a lot different)