Things better not said - our best

Why is amber heard dumb ?
Look at her choice - Elon

I went on a date once
I still prefer the toilet

What’s it called when someone has too much foreskin?
fiveskin.

Why is eating pussy like dealing with the Mafia
One slip of the tongue and your in deep shit.

A performer fell through the floor
It was just a stage he was going through

My grumpy fat friend got mad when I asked him if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed
I guess he woke up on both sides of the bed

If having sex for money makes you a whore,
Does having sex for free make you a non-profit whorganisation?

Have you heard of the dog that committed suicide?
He had a ruff life

How is a lightbulb different than a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why do Mexicans cross the border in pairs?
The sign says "No trespassing"

I like dillos, but I don’t support giving them guns because...
I would never armadillo.

I asked my friend if he likes working
He said “I’ve held a lot of different job titles. I’ve been a doctor, a construction worker, a bartender, a plumber, a football player, a coach, a divorce lawyer, a real estate agent, a cab driver, owner of a pawn shop, a lifeguard, a mailman, a yoga instructor, a personal trainer, a teacher, a cop, a cowboy, a truck driver and was the boss of a small company.” I said “wow, that sounds really stressful.” He said “not really, after all it’s just sex on camera”

I don’t like to brag about the expensive trips I go on…..
….but I went to the gas station today.