Things better not said - our best

What is the antonym of patient?
patien’t

Gender is like the twin towers.
There used to be two of them, and now it is a sensitive subject.

What do vegetarians say when they meet someone new?
Nice to vegetable you

Agatha Christie was famous for writing books
Literary

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it

How do porn stars make a living?
Income.

How does it feel being in prison.
A pain in the ass.

What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer?
Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more.

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks
I had to sell my car to pay the bill

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me poor and ugly.

She said give me 12 inches and make it hurt
So I gave it to her twice then slapped her in the face.

Q: How do you get Donald Trump to shut up?
A: Ask him about his business practices under oath.

A pornstar with a vasectomy has made a lot of videos but
he never made it in a cumshot complication