Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
What’s the difference between Amber Heard and your mom?
Nothing. I don’t know either one and don’t give a shit about them. Stop talking about them.
Little tip for gardeners.
Throw a bottle of Whiskey, a bottle of gin and a bottle of vodka on your lawn.
It will come up half cut.
Vladimir Putin, Joe Biden, the pope and a 8 year old boy is on a airplane together
The airplane starts crashing, and they have to use parachutes to jump down to save themselves. One problem though: they only have three parachutes.
Putin goes first and says: I am the smartest man in Russia, and the Russian people needs me! Then he takes a parachute, puts it on, and jumps.
Then Biden says: I am the american president and the United States needs me! Then he takes a parachute, puts it on, and jumps.
The pope says to the boy: I am a very old man hand have lived a long life, whilst you are still a child. Take the last parachute and save yourself.
Then the boy says: There are a parachute for both of us. The smarted man in Russia took my backpack
FRIDAY Thought
Does bleaching your Butt Hole
Count as changing your ring tone
Therapy
A man goes to a therapist and lays down on the couch. He tells the therapist "Lately I feel like nobody is paying attention to me".
The therapist shouts: "NEXT PERSON"
It just cost me £1 to put air in my tyres. It used to cost 20p.
I suppose that’s inflation for you.
A Priest walks into a coal mine after hours.
He ask, “ where are all the miners?”
what do you call five black people tumbling down a hill??
Question: What do you call five black people tumbling down a hill while it’s raining?
Answer: a mudslide
I defeated a state chess champion in two moves
My karate lessons really paid off.