[OC] A gorgeous bartender puts up a sign that says “Men: ask me about your beards”

The first day a man walks up to the bar, orders his drink, then inquires about the sign. “What did you wanna know about my beard?”, the man with a long fluffy beard asks. “Well darlin, I’m lookin’ for a special kind of man”, the bartender says. “The kind that can tickle the inside of my thighs just right, if you know what I mean. You wanna give it a shot?” “I sure do!” says the man, and they go home together that night. After their session in bed, the bartender asks: “what is your name, and what do you do?” The man says “my name is Jim, and I’m a truck driver.” “Well, sorry Jim. Your beard was just too much. You’re not the man I’m looking for.” The second day a man walks up to the bar, orders his drink, then inquires about the sign. “What did you wanna know about my beard?”, the man with a five o’clock shadow of a beard asks. The bartender says again she’s looking for a special man who can tickle the inside of her thighs just right. They head home that night, and after their session she asks “what’s your name, and what do you do?” The man says “My name is Timothy and I’m an umbrella salesman.” “Well honey, your beard was too scruffy and irritating. You’re not the man I’m looking for.” The third day a man walks up to the bar, orders his drink, then inquires about the sign. “What did you wanna know about my beard?”, the man with a medium gray beard asks. The bartender gives the rundown yet again, and they go home together. The bartender is ecstatic during their session, quivering and screaming and in sexual bliss. She asks the man “oh my lord, that was amazing! What is your name, and what do you do?” The man says “my name is Timothy, and I’m an umbrella salesman.” The bartender looks confused. “You mean the same Timothy from last night? How did you grow a beard so fast?” “Well, I figured they don’t call it pussy for no good reason, so I shaved the neighbors cat and glued it to my face!”