Dateline GOTHAM CITY, December 24th:

Alarms went off this evening when Batman was booked for a possible DUI after leaving the City Hall Christmas Soirée. The caped crusader tore out the entire steering column on his heavily modified sports car while driving recklessly in pursuit of The Joker, who fled the area. Officers noted that he “reeked of peppermint schnapps” but refused to submit to a breathalyzer at the scene. Robin had left the party early with a beautiful young woman whom he had been teasing, and was not in the vehicle when in it crashed. In short: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid a Neg, Batmobile lost its wheel, and the Joker ran away.