How to prepare a duck

Get yourself a duck of about 1.5 to 2kg, and two large bottles of Scottish whisky, bacon strips and a bottle of olive oil. Put the bacon around the duck, and treat the inside with pepper and salt. Preheat the oven for 10 minutes at 180 degrees Celcius. Fill a large glass with whisky. Drink the whisky while the oven is preheating Put the duck on a fireproof platter and fill out a second glass of whisky. Drink out the second glass of whisky and put the duck in the oven. After 20 minutes, put the oven to 200 degrees celsius and vill 2 glazzes of whisky. Drink out the glazzes and pick ub the piecez of the first glazz Fill anozzer half glazz and drinkit. After halven our, open the ovven to cheq the duck. Fetch the burn injury oindmend in the bathrthroom and pud it on the ubber zide of the lef thand. Vill anozzer two glazzez of whiskey. Open the ovven after the first glazz izz embdy and biggub the bladder. Pud the oindmend on the inner zide o the righd hand. Biggub the dug. Biggub the dug again and use a towel to rrremovve the oindmend from the dug. Degreaze th hand with visky and biggub the oindmend dube whisj is laying onthe ground. Clean ub the brokan glazz and put the dug bag in the ovven. Pig ub the dug and open the ovve firs. Open the segond boddle of bisk and pud id straight ub again. Get ub from the fllloorr and puz the bagon under ve cabined. Geddub again and siddown aniwey. Pud the boddle on the flooj. Dring from ve boddle since the glazzez are borken or unreadjable. Switch ovv the ovven, gloze your eyez, and ffffall over. ​ Courtesy of u/Aramor42