Vladimir Putin hires Amelia Bedelia as his new head of operations

First Bedelia embarks on a worldwide listening tour, recruiting every Russian diplomat and spymaster to gather as much data on each international province as possible. Next, she seizes every factory and production line in Russia, tasking them to churn out a record amount of specialty foods and garnishes. Finally, Bedelia commands the entire Russian army to hand deliver 7.9 billion meals— one for every person on earth. With his economy ruined and his military in shambles, Putin asks Bedelia how she could have gone so wrong. She replies “I don’t understand… you asked me to deliver a new world order.”