Seamus walked into the pub, sat down at his usual table...

...and proudly announced, “Drinks are on me tonight, boys.” His pals looked at each other, knowing that Seamus was very tight with his wallet. Michael spoke up, “Are ye OK?” Seamus clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Aye, Mikey, I’m just fine. Last night, while I was here with you lads, someone broke into me house.” Paddy said, “Yer joking! Did he get anything?” Seamus smiled and said, “Two black eyes, a busted lip, and a boot to the nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”