So this guy has been working really hard

...all week on a super important project. Its late Friday evening and he and a coworker are finally finishing up. His co-worker says, “We have to go out for a beer tonight, man. This week has been pure hell.” The guy replies, “Man, you know I can’t. My wife will kill me.” “C’mon man. You’re a grown man. You work all the time and never do anything. Stop being a pussy, we’re going out.” “Ok, ok, jeesh. But only one beer. That’s it.” Once they get to the bar, naturally 1 beer leads to multiple beers. The co-worker says, “OK, man, we’re doing a shot. What do you want?” The guy replies, “Look, I agreed to come have a beer and I’ve already had too many. I’m definitely not taking any shots.” “Yeah, fuck that. Bartender – 2 shots of whiskey, please.” They take their shots and the guy instantly throws up all over himself. “Dude, my wife is going to kill me! This is all your fault. I told you I didn’t want to go out. Now I’m covered in puke. I’m a fucking dead man.” “Calm down man, we can fix this. Listen. Take a 20 dollar bill and put it in your shirt pocket. Now, you’re going to have to fess up to your wife. Tell her that you’ve been working on this project all week long and decided to come have a beer with me as a reward. You’re an adult for Christ’s sake. Now, tell her the guy sitting next to us at the bar threw up all over you. And he gave you 20 bucks so you can get your shirt dry-cleaned. Problem solved.” “You’re a genius! That’s a fucking great idea!” “Right!? You want another beer?!” “Fuck yeah!” So they proceed to get shitfaced at the bar and eventually the guy gets a cab back home. When he pulls up, every light in the house is on. He walks inside and his wife is waiting for him, pacing. “Where the fuck have you been!!!???” she says, irate. “Honey,” slurring “I’m a grown adult. I work hard all the time and never get a reward for Christ’s sake. I had a beer like a man!” His wife, in disgust, “Are you covered in vomit?! What the hell happened to you?” “Yeah, so the guy sitting next to me threw up all over me. But he gave me 20 bucks!” he says proudly, pulling the 20 dollar bill from his shirt pocket and handing it to her. “OK, gross. But there’s 40 dollars here.” “Oh yeah, he shit in my pants, too.”