My Unhinged Opinions of You Based on Your Job Profession (Pt. 1)

1. If you’re a cop, don’t touch me (but you probably will anyway, so go fuck yourself). 2. If you’re an FBI Agent, you can fuck me, but first you have to kick my door down and then chase me down the street before tackling me to the ground. 3. If you’re the CEO of a huge corporation, you can fuck me as long as you buy me a car. 4. If you work for the IRS, you can come for me as long as I don’t have to pay taxes. 5. If you’re a CIA agent, you can do whatever you want to me as long as you whisper dirty words into my ear in at least 25 languages. 6. If you work for NASA, you can have me as long as I get unlimited data and access to technology. 7. If you’re in a criminal gang, you can have my hand in marriage as long as you stole the ring during a heist. 8. If you’re a firefighter, you can have my child. 9. If you’re a member of the Mafia, you can have my life as long as you take out my enemies, too. 10. If you work for the Mexican Drug Cartel… please leave me alone. And yes, I do think authority is kinda hot.