A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are arguing over who has the worst life.

“I hate my life.” Says the cucumber. “I used to be in a field with my friends, until I was plucked up one day and thrown in a box to be put in a cold fridge… it’s awful.” The pickle scoffs. “Oh yeah? I used to be like you… until they packed me with a bunch of friends in a jar of brine and sealed me up for god knows how long… my life is way worse!” The penis rolls his eye. “You guys don’t know the half of it! I’m kept in the dark with a couple of nuts and some asshole all day, and when I do get taken out, they pull a rubber bag over my head, shove me down a dirty hole, and make me do push-ups ‘til I puke!”